tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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