i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
