have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
