I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
