Can i not drive my cunt home
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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