i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
