Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
