I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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