please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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