I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
