3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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