Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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