my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you had me at cake vodka
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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