Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
