there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
