you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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