You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
