Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
