then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
