peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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