I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
