Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
