i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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