Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
