I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
