Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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