You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
