our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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