Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Sober January is a disaster.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
