i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
