____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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