my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
