D3 body, D1 cock
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
