this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Im part way to drunk.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
