Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
