Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
