Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
