ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
