we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
