I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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