I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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