:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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