I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
