Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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