I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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