Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
