I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
