they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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