WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I need help removing her.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
