Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
