Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
