I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So many bounce houses so little time
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
