It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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