He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
