The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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