I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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