I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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