i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
