I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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