Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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