Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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