Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
