Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And my parents said I crawled through the house
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
