do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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