remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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