Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
