"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
