and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
