operation have a gay friend backfired
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
