Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I can't turn off my feet"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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