Someone shit on the floor
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
