Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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