through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
