I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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