my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
