I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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