when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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